In honor of my 27th birthday today, I thought it’d be fitting to share this poem I wrote a month ago. It goes through each year of my life in three-verse stanzas. A few verses have been edited to soften their personal/relational nature.
Zero
They found the name in a phone book
Gender regardless (but please a girl!)
Baylor – the name took
One
Already I knew
To get attention
You had to scream, not coo
Two
Wavy blonde hair
Presented in perfection
Wear it well to make them care
Three
Toddle out, sky aglow
Always you were calling me
Even then, from the rainbow
Four
Smoke rises from the television
Mom in disbelief, lamenting
The high-risers crumble after collision
Five
Truth or dare? Shoulda picked true
Because now I don’t dare forget the door lock
That’s the day, the day I split in two
Six
Cuddled up & secure
Hoping to never be castaway
As we watch Hanks yell after Wilson, offshore
Seven
Across from me, a brown-haired kid
“Do you want to be my friend?”
Though I lost you, I’m glad I did1
Eight
After we’re done with the fart sounds
It’s time to talk crushes
Gushing about M.K from the ground
Nine
Out on the track, I’m delighted in
I have all of his attention
Just that once, never again
Ten
Under the water, Jesus come on in!
A vow for life at the age of ten?
Well regardless, I was born again
Eleven
Hooligans in a recycling bin
Ding dong ditching or on a roof
Anywhere we shouldn’t be, that’s a win
Twelve
Toms and a V-neck somehow made me gay
Get outta Myspace, HAGS in your Facebook
But with girls so pretty, I entered the fray
Thirteen
Girls in my iPod
And in my DMs
Spoiled child, spared rod
Fourteen
Preached my first sermon in a science class
Forgive evolution 7x7, and
Daddy’s approval grew like tall grass
Fifteen
Leading man, contacts, brown hair
Kissed a vampire or two
Down in Neverwhere
Sixteen
Hail, hail the dick-die-rector!
With ego so fragile
He requires teen’s praise evermore, more
Seventeen
Escaped Calypso’s clutches
And took a trip to the Pureland
Believed what I was told, not Spirit nudges
Eighteen
Took one mask off, put another on
The calling came upon me
Got a surrogate dad now, the other gone
Nineteen
Dreaming from the castle portico
Indoctrination in damnation
The future was as bright as a Van Gogh
Twenty
A cast on my arm, a band on your hand
Promises I couldn’t keep
Welcome to the barren Heathland
Twenty-One
Into my hands you commended 5 infants
Only one of them real
In return, I gave you fevered, fearful rants
Twenty-Two
Publicly challenged before all
Exposed and incompetent
Wake up call? No, this Saul was no Paul
Twenty-Three
Man-damned, pandemic, claustrophobic
Shit, can you see my shadow?
On display, lost, slow, so sick!
Twenty-Four
“I don’t even know who you are,” she said
The words sent me into exile
“I’m sorry” — soon to be unwed
Twenty-Five
I lost it all – wife, friends, home
Even that brown-haired kid
With a belt on my neck, I was ready for my catacomb
Twenty-Six
But the Angel of Death made her passover
What was it Fizgeraled said?
“Have the courage to start over.”
If you enjoyed this poem, please like, comment, or share. Any one of these small acts makes a big difference in helping new readers find my work.
Given the personal nature of this poem, I haven’t yet decided if I will post a commentary on it.
The second article in my Reasons to Leave series, Assimilation Damnation, will be posted later this week or early next week. If you haven’t checked out the first in the series, give it a read or listen.
“I’m glad I did” means, I’m glad I said yes, not I’m glad I lost you
Well written.
Raw.
Gifted wordsmith.
Brave and Courageous.
Happy birthday Baylor!